If you have any general comments for me or the work that I put on this blog, please put them here! I am grateful for any compliments and/or constructive criticism of all sorts!
So, I randomly chose your storybook as one to check out for this week. Here are my initial thoughts: I think you might want to add an image to your home page, as it stands, it comes off as kind of boring and gives no insight into what sort of stories will be told. This wouldn't be as bad if your title wasn't as cryptic. Don't get me wrong, I like your site title, but I think there needs to be something on that homepage to get the possible readers interested and invested in your posts. Now, after moving on to your introduction, it is immediately apparent what you're basing your storybook on, however, the theme and lack of home page still do not seem to match the fun and excitement that I usually associate with Wonderland and all of Alice's adventures. Your introduction was really interesting and made me curious as to where your storybook will go. Will it be a love story? A story of friendship? I'm excited to see.
I just read your storybook intro, and I must say that it is an engaging and very well written piece. One of the things I appreciated most is that you really captured the narrator's voice: I imagine a conceited, sly, and sickly sweet storyteller who tells us everything through a well-filtered lens.
Another thing I noticed that you did very well was your use of paragraph breaks. The short paragraphs gave your writing a distinct clip, almost like a monologue that hits many different topics yet hits the target on practically every one.
Your use of dialogue was good, but I think it could be improved. Of all the techniques you employed throughout the introduction, I think this was the weakest, but not drastically so. However, I think the dialogue would be improved if it were extracted from the larger paragraphs, since most inter-character conversations must be signaled by paragraph breaks.
I really enjoyed the overall topic of your story. There is so much potential with the vibrant Alice in Wonderland world. The home page could use something to make it flow with the rest of the website, like an image. Maybe a detailed map of Wonderland to tie all of the stories that you have together. It would be an easy tool for readers to reference to picture where all of the stories are. I really liked how you broke the story down into shorter paragraphs. It made the story flow very well and it seemed more like a dialogue that way. It was also very easy to envision the characters having their back-and-forth exchange like they do in the movie and book. Alice still has that essence of reckless adventurer about her in your story as well. I thought you did a great job on this and I look forward to reading more.
I decided to read your portfolio for my optional one this week.because the title of your story sounded interesting to me. I really enjoyed your story and want to check back to keep reading more in the weeks to come. One thing I noticed, in your second paragraph, instead of using the number 4 spell it out instead to make the story flow a little bit better. It will help it read more like a narrative. I also really liked the large image you attached to your story. Since most of your blog has dark colors, it was nice to see such a bright, vivid image. I would have really liked to read an author’s note with this story to get a little more background information about why you chose this story and what you changed from the original. Try adding that and giving the reader something to base your story off of.
Hi, I am leaving a comment for this week’s extra credit. Thank you for all of your feedback on my stories this semester. All of them have been very helpful. I have taken inconsideration the suggestions that you have made. I also, enjoy reading your stories. Great job on your writing and imagination. Good luck on the rest of the semester.
I read your Storybook introduction and your first story for my free pick this week because the title of your storybook intrigued me. I really like how you have two storytellers. I had never thought of implementing something like that but it really seems to work well. Your paragraph structure is also well done. I personally prefer to read short paragraphs with adequate information in them instead of long drawn out paragraphs. I suggest breaking your paragraphs when inserting character dialogue. It will make it easier to follow conversation and this is normal practice. Your topic selection is very interesting. It gives me a feel of that new Disney musical that came out recently. I'm very interested to see what other stories you include in your storybook and how you make them all tie back to Alice and Duke. I think you have made a great start! Good luck with the rest of your Storybook development.
I really enjoyed reading your Storybook introduction and your first story. Both were very well written and brought a lot of good detail that developed your story well. You are a very good writer! I thought the entire concept was very creative and using two different storytellers really brought a cool perspective to this story. I agree with some of the comments above that suggest breaking up the paragraphs more. This will make it easier for the reader to read your story and keep them engaged longer. I think you chose a great topic and have the potential to make this into a really great story. Your picture was spot on for the visual I think you wanted to go with and really brought imagination to life! I'm excited to se where you take the rest of this story and will have to check back in to see what happens next.
I have to say that I absolutely love your storybook so far. I really like the picture on the homepage with the saying underneath it. I feel like it is the perfect start to your storybook. I also read the introduction. I love how you used two people to do the storytelling and also how you referenced the background information that will be useful as we read the rest of your stories. Alice's personality is so descriptive that I can get a good sense of who the character is. Also adding the detail about her mom and how she believes that a Jabborwocky did it definitely shows part of the theme for the storybook. Since I also read the first story, I noticed the theme of the Jabborwocky being behind the evils in the story. Overall, I really love your storybook and I will definitely be back reading it once more stories are added.
Your storybook is unlike anything I've ever read in this class. I love the unique idea you're bringing to life here, interweaving favorite childhood fairy tales into something more dark and real. You've taken a sinister spin on the tale of Alice and I'm curious to see what will happen next with Snow White. I'm especially interested to see if Alice will ever get to meet the Jabborwocky (who is Snow White's evil step-mother? Such a plot twist)! One thing I also enjoyed in your stories were the pictures. You have an eye for choosing very aesthetic and unique pictures. My only complaint was in your introduction the font appears to be highlighted gray and it's very distracting when reading. It robs from the experience of being whisked away into the story. I'm sure it's an easy fix. Other than that, I have no complaints! I'm eager to see what will happen next!
I had commented on your storybook a few weeks ago where I had initially just read the introduction and your first story. I think you are doing a great job with the direction you are taking this story. I like how you explained that you didn't necessarily model Duke Anders after the Wicked Prince but that you used it to instill the fact that he will be a more central character from here on. To comment on the layout of your site, I think it is very easily navigable and the words, sentences, and paragraphs are easily visible against the dark background. I also like your picture selections. They all seem to mesh well with the story and obviously have relevance to what you are depicting in your story at the time. The only suggestion on the Wicked Prince story that I have is possibly making the picture a little smaller. It seemed to distract from the story a bit because I had to scroll so much to see the next lines. That could also just be my computer though! All in all, I think your storybook is heading in a great direction.
I think the blog design for this website is great! I love the red and white colors--it makes me think of OU, but in a very subtle way. I like the design of the background as well. The white font also makes it really easy to read your text. Overall, I think this is a great design for your blog!
Andres, I really like your blog layout and design. It is extremely original, the only one of its kind that I have seen in the class so far. I am assuming your going for the Sooner: Crimson & Cream them and if so great job! I do wish that your pages/ categories were along the side instead of at the top. It looks somewhat unbalanced all piled up and growing every week. Other than that I really like the site!
Hey Andres. I really like your stories! Your topic was a great idea and I think you have developed it very well. I am not necessarily familiar with fairytales such as Alice in Wonderland, except for Cinderella. I do know the story of Cinderella because every little girl dreams of finding her Prince Charming. I guess I should watch the movie or read the original story of Alice in Wonderland. As a child, I grew up without any siblings in the house and I was more concerned with what the adults were doing versus what kids were doing. I would like to thank you for adding to my childhood stories. Lol. Anyways, great introduction and first story. I would suggest that the speaker and/or narrator be a little clearer for those that are not familiar with the original story. I could not understand who was talking until I read from both narrators.
Hey Andres. It is me again, Chandler. Lol. I chose to read your next story for the extra credit assignment. The first story was really great and kept my attention! I do like that your second story gave an update for the first story. Moving forward, I would like to finish reading your upcoming stories because I am learning so much. Once again, I am not familiar with fairytales. I have heard of the seven dwarves, but I am not sure of their background. My mama would always call me Grumpy, when I needed to take a nap. I appreciate you continuing your story line, so that, I can keep up with what is going on. I hope your next few stories are just as good. Also, I really liked the imagery that you provided in your stories. I could see the manor, the forest, and other scenes very well. Great work!
I really enjoyed reading your storybook. First off, I think your simple design was a good idea because it doesn't distract from your stories. This makes things easier for the reader to read your writing. Secondly, I like your homepage. I particularly like that you started it off with 'through the looking glass into a world of my own' because it helped me understand what the storybook was going to be about. Also, I like the picture you chose. It reminded me of the hobbit, which is one of my favorite books.
I read your story of the wicked prince. I thought your word choice was good and the sentence flowed well. I also thought that your paragraphs were organized well. My only suggestion would be to add some dialogue into your story. That was we can get to know the characters on a more personal level.
Overall, great job. I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Hello again! I really enjoyed getting to read some more of your stories. The Wicked Prince had a great flow with the use of short, even paragraphs. You did a great job of having a very ominous tone throughout the story as well; the dark color scheme for your website pairs nicely with it. You do a great job with your descriptive writing to make the story seem so vivid and to really see how Duke Anders sees things. You did a great job of developing his character and showing how he really feels. One part that really stood out to me was when he received news about him getting “trapped” with an arranged marriage. His character really came to life during that whole ordeal. I also liked how you had Alice chime in at the end of the story when I was beginning to think she would not be mentioned at all. You did a great job on finishing the story and establishing the love dynamic between the two characters.
I stopped by here a few weeks ago to read your first story after the introduction and was utterly floored by the way you've weaved together the different famous stories we've grown up with and know so well. In your latest you've added a Cinderella style twist along with carrying the Snow-White remnants of the last story, all the while still retaining Alice as Alice. I imagine this storybook taking place in almost Victorian-style London, or somewhere else with a steampunk-style vibe. Overall, I think your writing is exquisite and thought-provoking. It requires thought when reading, and this is not a bad thing - thought provoking writing such as yours makes the story not so mindless or easy to breeze through. I have to take my time to digest it and savor the story, which makes it all the sweeter. I'm very excited to see where your story will lead to next. The suspense is palpable!
This was the first time for me to read your storybook. I was intrigued with the picture you chose for the cover page. This was a great symbol and can have many different meanings. The introduction also had a great picture. I think that picture selection really is important with our projects. They are able to help the reader picture what you are explaining. The introduction was very well written. It was easy to follow and the spacing helped with the flow of the story. I loved reading about Alice. She is only seven and seems to have a pretty big vocabulary and is able to tell a story pretty well. I am sure that you wanted her to come off as smart. In your first story of Snow White. I loved how well you were able to incorporate Alice into the story. It was a very fun and creative story to read. Great job!
Hi Andres! I chose your storybook as one of my extra credit assignments for this week. I'm very glad I did. You have a very interesting way of writing and it definitely kept me motivated to read all of your stories. I really enjoyed the dialogue between your story characters. Character dialogue is one thing that I struggle with, so I found it refreshing to read yours and learn from it. I thought all the pictures you chose fit into each story very well. The dark red background and white lettering (although a little hard on my eyes sometimes) was quite nice. I really didn't see any grammatical or spelling errors which was nice. Sometimes misspelling will trip me up when I'm reading a story, but yours didn't have any that I could tell. Overall, great job and I wish there would be more stories to read later because I enjoyed reading them. Good luck with the rest of this class and the rest of your semester.
I just finished reading the second story in your storybook, and must say that it struck me as both clever and creative. Your interweaving of Snow White into the Alice in Wonderland narrative is an interesting but welcome twist to both stories - I think you've achieve this transition quite nicely, without it seeming "far out" or awkward.
Additionally, your paragraph breaks keep the story fresh and fast-paced. I liked that.
One thing that I missed was a sense of the characters' development as revealed by dialogue. There wasn't much in the story, and I wondered why. Although you used a sort of journalistic style in which the protagonist explains things to us, the story lacked the (arguably) necessary component of dialogue. I think that adding more spoken interactions between characters would lead to a fuller sense of character profiles and the story's overall flow.
However, this is a minor point, and it does not substantially detract from the overall quality of your story. Nice work.
Hey Andre your home page looks great. I like the layout it seems pretty easy to follow and the colors all work well together. The picture you chose for your homepage was really interesting and also worked well with the themes of your homepage. This is followed up by an amazing picture on your introduction page. It is beautiful. Your introduction is a good opening for the reader to the world you have created. First person is a good way to go with this introduction. It creates a bond between the reader and the story and allows them to suspend belief quicker and settle into the ride. The sentences are mixed up as far as size and there paragraphs are too, I think this was a good way to go. I also did not notice too much in the way of errors in this story. The font is also nice, if I would make any suggestions it would be to maybe increase the font size just a little. Other than that good job.
Wow, I was completely blown away by your intro and first story. Seriously, they were awesome. Your theme of weaving together different fairy tales into the story of Alice is really quite unique. Alice’s transformation from imaginative little girl to hallucinating mental patient was really well done and captured the effects that trauma can have on children really well. Reading your third story, I became more and more interested in the character of Duke, and I had a hard time believing that he was doing destructive things just to prove that he didn’t want to rule, but desperate times call for desperate measures, I suppose. I’m excited to see how Alice and Duke come back together in the last story. This third chapter reminded me of parts of Tangled and Cinderella, which I rather enjoyed. And after reading the fourth story, I realized that my Cinderella premonitions were right, as it’s the story you use here. I really like where you've taken the story, and I look forward to reading more!
Hi Andres, Steven Grim left this comment on a different person's comment wall, but it's for your project: You had a great storybook. I really liked the theme that you have. The colors and layout are all very clean and professional looking. I also liked the very mysterious feel of the entire website, along with the quotes and pictures. It made me very interested in reading your stories. I really liked your introduction. It had a great flow to it throughout the entire thing. I never found any flaws with spelling or grammar, so you did an excellent job with that. The entire introduction got me really excited to read the stories within. I got to read the wicked prince as well and it was an awesome story. It kept me interested the whole time and was really well written. I can’t wait to read the rest of the stories within this storybook. Your stories seem to be right up my ally in subject.
This whole framework of classic fairytales we grew up with was transformed and molded into something deliciously dark and adult through your creative mind. I'm glad that you stuck with it and finished, as I would have been heartbroken had you not. Every twist and turn thrown in this tragic tale of friendship, betrayal, miscommunication, and love had me in awe of your ability to portray the most heart-wrenching tale of all. I came to love your characters and admired their strong bond of friendship even in the face of adversity. And the ending! What an ending! So turbulent and uncertain, I can only imagine what happened next! But maybe that was the point. Perhaps what impressed me most was not your fantastic storytelling abilities, but your knack for creatively sneaking in and incorporating pieces from other fairy tales into this one. It was almost like an easter egg hunt and only added to the joy of reading your project. Well done! I hope you continue to write stories even if they aren't shared because you have such a talent for it. :)
Hey, Andres. It seems your story book was voted the best, so I figured I should read it and see what you've done with it!
Cover page: I really like that picture! It sets the tone for your project really well.
Intro: I didn't know this would be about Alice in Wonderland until I got to the intro. The way you set it up from both Alice and Duke's points-of-view was really great. And the ending, with her saying "the Jabberwocky did it" was very compelling!
Story 1: I love the way you set this up with Duke's narrative, and then transitioning into Snow White's narrative. The writing style you've chosen works so well with the story. And the ending just ties in perfectly with the introduction.
Story 2: The way the two main characters' stories intertwine together is awesome. Everything has a sort of dreary feel to it, and it really works well with the layout of your storybook. Awesome work.
Hello there, Andres! I'm glad I got the chance to look at your Storybook. It's very well done! I like your layout throughout your project, and I especially liked the photos you chose. They went really well with everything that you wrote. Speaking of your writing, I thought your writing was captivating. Your introduction flowed so easily and kept me interested the whole time. I really appreciated your attention to detail as well. The way you described Alice’s countenance after the events of the day was so cap. It really helped me relate to her and brought her trauma to life. Your use of dialogue was also very nice. The balance between dialogue and the storytelling was just right, so nicely done on that front as well! Your second work was just as good as your first. The tone of your tales stays consistent, which makes the transitions very easy. Just as with the introduction, I was captivated by this tale. Good job!
I just read your storybook for the first time and enjoyed it immensely. The overall storytelling technique of weaving together a number of different stories works great - there's enough of it for the reader to connect to, but you manage to maintain your own voice and tell your own story throughout. I thought you language was excellent, though the structure confused me a bit at times. This only really happened when you were using dialogue, but I think I'm used to breaks each time a new character speaks and so I was thrown off at times. That's really the biggest critique I have though, great job and I hope you get your final story added before the end of the class so that I can see how it all wraps up!
This is such a fantastic storybook. It is so enticing and keeps me wanting more. Your creativity is really great, and I do not know how but you got everything to flow so great. I was confused only a few times, but I was always able to figure it out towards the end of the each story. Your introduction set up everything very well. Having the tragic death of the mother that caused Alice to snap was dark, but really awesome and creative. The two accounts on each story must have been hard to do, but it made the stories that much more interesting! You really made me feel for Alice. I was always on her side throughout the stories. I could not imagine seeing my mother fall into a river and die, because of me. That would probably make me snap as well. I am really curious to see how your storybook ends!
Andres! I just read your storybook and it is SO well-written! In fact, I had to keep clicking the next story to see how everything panned out. So I ended up reading way more than one story. I truly think the way you interweave different fairy tales makes this uniquely creative and enjoyable. You have such a gift in your writing. I don't even have any critiques because truly it is a remarkable storyline, and your grammar is almost perfect. I really enjoy how you speak from both perspectives to allow the reader to understand how the entire story works. For instance, when the hunter had questions Alice's well-being they were answered whenever it was Alice's perspective. Very cool idea and excellent execution!
Like everyone has already said, this is such an awesome Storybook! It is SO well written, and it's very obvious that you spent a ton of time and work on it. I loved that you not only centered the entire Storybook around the idea of Alice "in a world of her own," but you also included other fairy tale characters that everybody knows and loves - awesome strategy to keep the reader plugged in! I also really loved that you told the introduction from both the perspective of Alice and the Duke. It was a perfect touch. You're also one of the few people that wrote as many stories as you did, so I think that was awesome and gave the reader more material to read. Overall, excellent job! Your Storybook was definitely one of my favorites! Have a wonderful end of the semester and best of luck to you on finals!
So, I randomly chose your storybook as one to check out for this week. Here are my initial thoughts: I think you might want to add an image to your home page, as it stands, it comes off as kind of boring and gives no insight into what sort of stories will be told. This wouldn't be as bad if your title wasn't as cryptic. Don't get me wrong, I like your site title, but I think there needs to be something on that homepage to get the possible readers interested and invested in your posts. Now, after moving on to your introduction, it is immediately apparent what you're basing your storybook on, however, the theme and lack of home page still do not seem to match the fun and excitement that I usually associate with Wonderland and all of Alice's adventures. Your introduction was really interesting and made me curious as to where your storybook will go. Will it be a love story? A story of friendship? I'm excited to see.
ReplyDeleteI just read your storybook intro, and I must say that it is an engaging and very well written piece. One of the things I appreciated most is that you really captured the narrator's voice: I imagine a conceited, sly, and sickly sweet storyteller who tells us everything through a well-filtered lens.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing I noticed that you did very well was your use of paragraph breaks. The short paragraphs gave your writing a distinct clip, almost like a monologue that hits many different topics yet hits the target on practically every one.
Your use of dialogue was good, but I think it could be improved. Of all the techniques you employed throughout the introduction, I think this was the weakest, but not drastically so. However, I think the dialogue would be improved if it were extracted from the larger paragraphs, since most inter-character conversations must be signaled by paragraph breaks.
I really enjoyed the overall topic of your story. There is so much potential with the vibrant Alice in Wonderland world. The home page could use something to make it flow with the rest of the website, like an image. Maybe a detailed map of Wonderland to tie all of the stories that you have together. It would be an easy tool for readers to reference to picture where all of the stories are. I really liked how you broke the story down into shorter paragraphs. It made the story flow very well and it seemed more like a dialogue that way. It was also very easy to envision the characters having their back-and-forth exchange like they do in the movie and book. Alice still has that essence of reckless adventurer about her in your story as well. I thought you did a great job on this and I look forward to reading more.
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ReplyDeleteI decided to read your portfolio for my optional one this week.because the title of your story sounded interesting to me. I really enjoyed your story and want to check back to keep reading more in the weeks to come. One thing I noticed, in your second paragraph, instead of using the number 4 spell it out instead to make the story flow a little bit better. It will help it read more like a narrative. I also really liked the large image you attached to your story. Since most of your blog has dark colors, it was nice to see such a bright, vivid image. I would have really liked to read an author’s note with this story to get a little more background information about why you chose this story and what you changed from the original. Try adding that and giving the reader something to base your story off of.
Hi, I am leaving a comment for this week’s extra credit. Thank you for all of your feedback on my stories this semester. All of them have been very helpful. I have taken inconsideration the suggestions that you have made. I also, enjoy reading your stories. Great job on your writing and imagination. Good luck on the rest of the semester.
ReplyDeleteI read your Storybook introduction and your first story for my free pick this week because the title of your storybook intrigued me. I really like how you have two storytellers. I had never thought of implementing something like that but it really seems to work well. Your paragraph structure is also well done. I personally prefer to read short paragraphs with adequate information in them instead of long drawn out paragraphs. I suggest breaking your paragraphs when inserting character dialogue. It will make it easier to follow conversation and this is normal practice.
ReplyDeleteYour topic selection is very interesting. It gives me a feel of that new Disney musical that came out recently. I'm very interested to see what other stories you include in your storybook and how you make them all tie back to Alice and Duke. I think you have made a great start! Good luck with the rest of your Storybook development.
I really enjoyed reading your Storybook introduction and your first story. Both were very well written and brought a lot of good detail that developed your story well. You are a very good writer! I thought the entire concept was very creative and using two different storytellers really brought a cool perspective to this story.
ReplyDeleteI agree with some of the comments above that suggest breaking up the paragraphs more. This will make it easier for the reader to read your story and keep them engaged longer.
I think you chose a great topic and have the potential to make this into a really great story. Your picture was spot on for the visual I think you wanted to go with and really brought imagination to life! I'm excited to se where you take the rest of this story and will have to check back in to see what happens next.
Job well done. Thanks for the good read!
I have to say that I absolutely love your storybook so far. I really like the picture on the homepage with the saying underneath it. I feel like it is the perfect start to your storybook. I also read the introduction. I love how you used two people to do the storytelling and also how you referenced the background information that will be useful as we read the rest of your stories. Alice's personality is so descriptive that I can get a good sense of who the character is. Also adding the detail about her mom and how she believes that a Jabborwocky did it definitely shows part of the theme for the storybook. Since I also read the first story, I noticed the theme of the Jabborwocky being behind the evils in the story. Overall, I really love your storybook and I will definitely be back reading it once more stories are added.
ReplyDeleteYour storybook is unlike anything I've ever read in this class. I love the unique idea you're bringing to life here, interweaving favorite childhood fairy tales into something more dark and real. You've taken a sinister spin on the tale of Alice and I'm curious to see what will happen next with Snow White. I'm especially interested to see if Alice will ever get to meet the Jabborwocky (who is Snow White's evil step-mother? Such a plot twist)!
ReplyDeleteOne thing I also enjoyed in your stories were the pictures. You have an eye for choosing very aesthetic and unique pictures. My only complaint was in your introduction the font appears to be highlighted gray and it's very distracting when reading. It robs from the experience of being whisked away into the story. I'm sure it's an easy fix. Other than that, I have no complaints! I'm eager to see what will happen next!
I had commented on your storybook a few weeks ago where I had initially just read the introduction and your first story. I think you are doing a great job with the direction you are taking this story. I like how you explained that you didn't necessarily model Duke Anders after the Wicked Prince but that you used it to instill the fact that he will be a more central character from here on.
ReplyDeleteTo comment on the layout of your site, I think it is very easily navigable and the words, sentences, and paragraphs are easily visible against the dark background. I also like your picture selections. They all seem to mesh well with the story and obviously have relevance to what you are depicting in your story at the time. The only suggestion on the Wicked Prince story that I have is possibly making the picture a little smaller. It seemed to distract from the story a bit because I had to scroll so much to see the next lines. That could also just be my computer though! All in all, I think your storybook is heading in a great direction.
I think the blog design for this website is great! I love the red and white colors--it makes me think of OU, but in a very subtle way. I like the design of the background as well. The white font also makes it really easy to read your text. Overall, I think this is a great design for your blog!
ReplyDeleteAndres, I really like your blog layout and design. It is extremely original, the only one of its kind that I have seen in the class so far. I am assuming your going for the Sooner: Crimson & Cream them and if so great job! I do wish that your pages/ categories were along the side instead of at the top. It looks somewhat unbalanced all piled up and growing every week. Other than that I really like the site!
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ReplyDeleteHey Andres. I really like your stories! Your topic was a great idea and I think you have developed it very well. I am not necessarily familiar with fairytales such as Alice in Wonderland, except for Cinderella. I do know the story of Cinderella because every little girl dreams of finding her Prince Charming. I guess I should watch the movie or read the original story of Alice in Wonderland. As a child, I grew up without any siblings in the house and I was more concerned with what the adults were doing versus what kids were doing. I would like to thank you for adding to my childhood stories. Lol. Anyways, great introduction and first story. I would suggest that the speaker and/or narrator be a little clearer for those that are not familiar with the original story. I could not understand who was talking until I read from both narrators.
ReplyDeleteHey Andres. It is me again, Chandler. Lol. I chose to read your next story for the extra credit assignment. The first story was really great and kept my attention! I do like that your second story gave an update for the first story. Moving forward, I would like to finish reading your upcoming stories because I am learning so much. Once again, I am not familiar with fairytales. I have heard of the seven dwarves, but I am not sure of their background. My mama would always call me Grumpy, when I needed to take a nap. I appreciate you continuing your story line, so that, I can keep up with what is going on. I hope your next few stories are just as good. Also, I really liked the imagery that you provided in your stories. I could see the manor, the forest, and other scenes very well. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHey there.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your storybook. First off, I think your simple design was a good idea because it doesn't distract from your stories. This makes things easier for the reader to read your writing. Secondly, I like your homepage. I particularly like that you started it off with 'through the looking glass into a world of my own' because it helped me understand what the storybook was going to be about. Also, I like the picture you chose. It reminded me of the hobbit, which is one of my favorite books.
I read your story of the wicked prince. I thought your word choice was good and the sentence flowed well. I also thought that your paragraphs were organized well. My only suggestion would be to add some dialogue into your story. That was we can get to know the characters on a more personal level.
Overall, great job. I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Hello again! I really enjoyed getting to read some more of your stories. The Wicked Prince had a great flow with the use of short, even paragraphs. You did a great job of having a very ominous tone throughout the story as well; the dark color scheme for your website pairs nicely with it. You do a great job with your descriptive writing to make the story seem so vivid and to really see how Duke Anders sees things. You did a great job of developing his character and showing how he really feels. One part that really stood out to me was when he received news about him getting “trapped” with an arranged marriage. His character really came to life during that whole ordeal. I also liked how you had Alice chime in at the end of the story when I was beginning to think she would not be mentioned at all. You did a great job on finishing the story and establishing the love dynamic between the two characters.
ReplyDeleteI stopped by here a few weeks ago to read your first story after the introduction and was utterly floored by the way you've weaved together the different famous stories we've grown up with and know so well. In your latest you've added a Cinderella style twist along with carrying the Snow-White remnants of the last story, all the while still retaining Alice as Alice. I imagine this storybook taking place in almost Victorian-style London, or somewhere else with a steampunk-style vibe.
ReplyDeleteOverall, I think your writing is exquisite and thought-provoking. It requires thought when reading, and this is not a bad thing - thought provoking writing such as yours makes the story not so mindless or easy to breeze through. I have to take my time to digest it and savor the story, which makes it all the sweeter.
I'm very excited to see where your story will lead to next. The suspense is palpable!
This was the first time for me to read your storybook. I was intrigued with the picture you chose for the cover page. This was a great symbol and can have many different meanings. The introduction also had a great picture. I think that picture selection really is important with our projects. They are able to help the reader picture what you are explaining. The introduction was very well written. It was easy to follow and the spacing helped with the flow of the story. I loved reading about Alice. She is only seven and seems to have a pretty big vocabulary and is able to tell a story pretty well. I am sure that you wanted her to come off as smart. In your first story of Snow White. I loved how well you were able to incorporate Alice into the story. It was a very fun and creative story to read. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Andres! I chose your storybook as one of my extra credit assignments for this week. I'm very glad I did. You have a very interesting way of writing and it definitely kept me motivated to read all of your stories. I really enjoyed the dialogue between your story characters. Character dialogue is one thing that I struggle with, so I found it refreshing to read yours and learn from it.
ReplyDeleteI thought all the pictures you chose fit into each story very well. The dark red background and white lettering (although a little hard on my eyes sometimes) was quite nice. I really didn't see any grammatical or spelling errors which was nice. Sometimes misspelling will trip me up when I'm reading a story, but yours didn't have any that I could tell.
Overall, great job and I wish there would be more stories to read later because I enjoyed reading them. Good luck with the rest of this class and the rest of your semester.
Hi Andres,
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading the second story in your storybook, and must say that it struck me as both clever and creative. Your interweaving of Snow White into the Alice in Wonderland narrative is an interesting but welcome twist to both stories - I think you've achieve this transition quite nicely, without it seeming "far out" or awkward.
Additionally, your paragraph breaks keep the story fresh and fast-paced. I liked that.
One thing that I missed was a sense of the characters' development as revealed by dialogue. There wasn't much in the story, and I wondered why. Although you used a sort of journalistic style in which the protagonist explains things to us, the story lacked the (arguably) necessary component of dialogue. I think that adding more spoken interactions between characters would lead to a fuller sense of character profiles and the story's overall flow.
However, this is a minor point, and it does not substantially detract from the overall quality of your story. Nice work.
Hey Andre your home page looks great. I like the layout it seems pretty easy to follow and the colors all work well together. The picture you chose for your homepage was really interesting and also worked well with the themes of your homepage. This is followed up by an amazing picture on your introduction page. It is beautiful. Your introduction is a good opening for the reader to the world you have created. First person is a good way to go with this introduction. It creates a bond between the reader and the story and allows them to suspend belief quicker and settle into the ride. The sentences are mixed up as far as size and there paragraphs are too, I think this was a good way to go. I also did not notice too much in the way of errors in this story. The font is also nice, if I would make any suggestions it would be to maybe increase the font size just a little. Other than that good job.
ReplyDeleteWow, I was completely blown away by your intro and first story. Seriously, they were awesome. Your theme of weaving together different fairy tales into the story of Alice is really quite unique. Alice’s transformation from imaginative little girl to hallucinating mental patient was really well done and captured the effects that trauma can have on children really well. Reading your third story, I became more and more interested in the character of Duke, and I had a hard time believing that he was doing destructive things just to prove that he didn’t want to rule, but desperate times call for desperate measures, I suppose. I’m excited to see how Alice and Duke come back together in the last story. This third chapter reminded me of parts of Tangled and Cinderella, which I rather enjoyed. And after reading the fourth story, I realized that my Cinderella premonitions were right, as it’s the story you use here. I really like where you've taken the story, and I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHi Andres, Steven Grim left this comment on a different person's comment wall, but it's for your project:
ReplyDeleteYou had a great storybook. I really liked the theme that you have. The colors and layout are all very clean and professional looking. I also liked the very mysterious feel of the entire website, along with the quotes and pictures. It made me very interested in reading your stories. I really liked your introduction. It had a great flow to it throughout the entire thing. I never found any flaws with spelling or grammar, so you did an excellent job with that. The entire introduction got me really excited to read the stories within. I got to read the wicked prince as well and it was an awesome story. It kept me interested the whole time and was really well written. I can’t wait to read the rest of the stories within this storybook. Your stories seem to be right up my ally in subject.
This whole framework of classic fairytales we grew up with was transformed and molded into something deliciously dark and adult through your creative mind. I'm glad that you stuck with it and finished, as I would have been heartbroken had you not. Every twist and turn thrown in this tragic tale of friendship, betrayal, miscommunication, and love had me in awe of your ability to portray the most heart-wrenching tale of all. I came to love your characters and admired their strong bond of friendship even in the face of adversity. And the ending! What an ending! So turbulent and uncertain, I can only imagine what happened next! But maybe that was the point.
ReplyDeletePerhaps what impressed me most was not your fantastic storytelling abilities, but your knack for creatively sneaking in and incorporating pieces from other fairy tales into this one. It was almost like an easter egg hunt and only added to the joy of reading your project. Well done! I hope you continue to write stories even if they aren't shared because you have such a talent for it. :)
Hey, Andres. It seems your story book was voted the best, so I figured I should read it and see what you've done with it!
ReplyDeleteCover page: I really like that picture! It sets the tone for your project really well.
Intro: I didn't know this would be about Alice in Wonderland until I got to the intro. The way you set it up from both Alice and Duke's points-of-view was really great. And the ending, with her saying "the Jabberwocky did it" was very compelling!
Story 1: I love the way you set this up with Duke's narrative, and then transitioning into Snow White's narrative. The writing style you've chosen works so well with the story. And the ending just ties in perfectly with the introduction.
Story 2: The way the two main characters' stories intertwine together is awesome. Everything has a sort of dreary feel to it, and it really works well with the layout of your storybook. Awesome work.
Hello there, Andres! I'm glad I got the chance to look at your Storybook. It's very well done! I like your layout throughout your project, and I especially liked the photos you chose. They went really well with everything that you wrote. Speaking of your writing, I thought your writing was captivating. Your introduction flowed so easily and kept me interested the whole time. I really appreciated your attention to detail as well. The way you described Alice’s countenance after the events of the day was so cap. It really helped me relate to her and brought her trauma to life. Your use of dialogue was also very nice. The balance between dialogue and the storytelling was just right, so nicely done on that front as well!
ReplyDeleteYour second work was just as good as your first. The tone of your tales stays consistent, which makes the transitions very easy. Just as with the introduction, I was captivated by this tale. Good job!
I just read your storybook for the first time and enjoyed it immensely. The overall storytelling technique of weaving together a number of different stories works great - there's enough of it for the reader to connect to, but you manage to maintain your own voice and tell your own story throughout. I thought you language was excellent, though the structure confused me a bit at times. This only really happened when you were using dialogue, but I think I'm used to breaks each time a new character speaks and so I was thrown off at times. That's really the biggest critique I have though, great job and I hope you get your final story added before the end of the class so that I can see how it all wraps up!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a fantastic storybook. It is so enticing and keeps me wanting more. Your creativity is really great, and I do not know how but you got everything to flow so great. I was confused only a few times, but I was always able to figure it out towards the end of the each story.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction set up everything very well. Having the tragic death of the mother that caused Alice to snap was dark, but really awesome and creative. The two accounts on each story must have been hard to do, but it made the stories that much more interesting! You really made me feel for Alice. I was always on her side throughout the stories. I could not imagine seeing my mother fall into a river and die, because of me. That would probably make me snap as well. I am really curious to see how your storybook ends!
Andres! I just read your storybook and it is SO well-written! In fact, I had to keep clicking the next story to see how everything panned out. So I ended up reading way more than one story. I truly think the way you interweave different fairy tales makes this uniquely creative and enjoyable. You have such a gift in your writing. I don't even have any critiques because truly it is a remarkable storyline, and your grammar is almost perfect. I really enjoy how you speak from both perspectives to allow the reader to understand how the entire story works. For instance, when the hunter had questions Alice's well-being they were answered whenever it was Alice's perspective. Very cool idea and excellent execution!
ReplyDeleteLike everyone has already said, this is such an awesome Storybook! It is SO well written, and it's very obvious that you spent a ton of time and work on it. I loved that you not only centered the entire Storybook around the idea of Alice "in a world of her own," but you also included other fairy tale characters that everybody knows and loves - awesome strategy to keep the reader plugged in! I also really loved that you told the introduction from both the perspective of Alice and the Duke. It was a perfect touch. You're also one of the few people that wrote as many stories as you did, so I think that was awesome and gave the reader more material to read. Overall, excellent job! Your Storybook was definitely one of my favorites! Have a wonderful end of the semester and best of luck to you on finals!
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